Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Open Book Therapy~
In the middle of life beating you down and overwhelming you, it is YOUR job to keep your joy and hold on to your smile. Spiritually you have to remain content in knowing the things that you already know and recline from certain things that you know will pull and drain you to the point of not being able to walk through certain doors again. Relationships are going to change for good or for bad, while changing it gives us all the opportunity to decide what is healthy in our lives and what has been the unwanted dead weight….
Some individuals NEVER GROW, because some of us never get to the point of CONSCIOUNESS CLEANSING nor are they able to register REAL LIFE as it is handed out to them. People that can’t seem to find happiness are always suppressing what is making them unhappy with a dose of something that can numb them from what hurts have occurred in life both past and present.
I have found from personal experience that therapeutic conversation is the BEST type of THERAPY!!! We have to GO through things in order to GROW through things. We have to learn to confront, release and be in control of our very own destiny in life. The RELEASE of unwanted blockage that is holding you and your life at a standstill, from being able to decide to be happy and move toward that happiness that you see and feel for yourself; will assist in you being able to follow what your soul has desired throughout your life. Registering your own views on your life and the lives around you will cause a development and growth to happen where you have needed them to happen. We are indeed our own worst critic and enemy along with holding ourselves prisoners to our thoughts of what others may think or want of us. We worry about how the next person feels and totally disregard the way that we as individuals feel.
When we find that someone, that we can confide in and not worry about them judging, using against you, and or talking your deepest you; then and only then can we really release our past hurts and be able to step into what we have held ourselves back from for so long. HAPPINESS/JOY!!!!!
I personally find my own advice very difficult to do simply because I would rather forget and not look back at what life did to me in the past. I would rather smile and continue to push through each and every day smiling and operating as if nothing is wrong. My reality like most of yours, hurts like hell, makes me feel ashamed, confused as to why me, and is keeping me from the full extent of ME. While the put together me looks good, smells good, walks and talks good; the me that is broken up and far from put together is all over the place. Here and there I get smothered by my own thoughts and find it hard to breath, shoot I even allow myself to stay in bed so that I am able to lay still enough to listen to God speak. On the outside I’m fine but emotionally I am losing my heart and mind, then I realize if I stop fighting for who I am suppose to be then I will be losing me. It is a fight to have peace and love your peace and it’s an even harder fight to not allow others to disturb your peace and alter the way you need to be. You have to encourage yourself in order to reach your highest worth.
See, there are those around you that don’t want that for you because they don’t know how to gain that for themselves; so how dare you begin to push through your hurt and actually be peaceful within yourself..?!?. When I say peaceful, I am speaking of relaxing, relating, releasing and no more running only calming and breathing. I am talking about baggage OFF OF YOU, that you have carried for God knows how long and the ability to have the JOY you have fought all your life to attain.
Life is short indeed; and to not ever reach that area in our lives where we are able to enjoy our lives and actually be in tuned with who we are as individual beings, would be the saddest thing at the end of our long journey of life.
As of late I have been heavy and carrying some really deep rooted things around with me that I am shedding off of my life. In the process of doing that I am looking from the outside of me to the inside of me and seeing me play out as a movie. I am able to see how messed up various issues have made me, and I am also understanding that I don’t stand in this world alone with these same issues. I research and go through cases of people that experience having to sit on a couch and talk with a professional psychologist and be diagnosed with various forms of Depression/anger, and even resort to taking medication to assist with dealing with their problems. While doing so, I realize that both anger and depression are OPEN WOUNDS such as pressure sores and with too much pressure applied to these sores it causes them to bleed out. These are sores, which depending on the case/issues cannot be closed and or healed. Wounds that stay and just will not go away; no matter how you cover it up, and add medicine, liquor, drugs, make-up, clothes, and a smile these wounds stay open and they remain FRESH…
It is up to us to make our own conscious choice in life to make ourselves better and learn to deal with what has happen in our lives to bring us to the point of WHO we are in the NOW. Through my 32 years of living I have found various mechanisms to cope with things that have been done to me, even as a child. I found that nothings releases me more than writing it out and allowing eyes to read me that either don’t know me at all, or the eyes of those that fell as if they do. Life hands us all a hand and at times in my case more than less I want to scream at the top of my lungs when will it all end; and when will I win or better yet will my happiness begin??...?? I imagine myself not sitting where I actually am, or not being in a place that I am in and instead I picture myself relaxed, calm with a peaceful spirit somewhere other than where I have been. I could be in a hotel here in Los Angeles, while in my mind I am on an island that I don’t have to leave from unless I simply decided to. While walking into work I see me walking into my very own office attending to my schedule that is planned around my very own day. I walk into my home and my worries are what to fix for dinner and not what bills I couldn't’t pay. Then I recline and realize that there are things in my past that has me operating this way.
I can’t emotionally attach myself to love another person the way I imagine emotional attachment to be, simply because I identify emotional attachments with past loves that have hurt me. When people say they love you, I am too busy sitting back evaluating what type of love they actually mean..???
I have decided to turn this blog into OPEN THERAPY…. Don’t worry about the mirrors you look in everyday, I’ll just stand here in the middle of crowded cyber space and allow you to view me get through Self-Therapy and my day to day…
Some things in our lives run much deeper than we are willing to see, but as long as us as individuals are willing to fight for that part of us that we call ME. Then our goals and who we are destine to be will become easier to reach.
P.S. I LOVE ME SOME ME and that is WHY I WILL fight ME for ME…………
Xoxo
Ruth the TRUTH
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
LOVE it is YOU that I CRAVE (part 1)~
If he absolutely adores me then he really loves ME. He will stay consistent in showing me in every way that he is in love with ME, and there would be nothing simple that can alter that love. He will love my spirit and all that I am as a woman, flaws and all that love would never change. When with one another we would complement the other just by being there, we would represent a beautiful and blessed unit. When and if he adores me, there would never be any question, confusion or doubt; because this love is real.
Real love is something that is hard to walk away from and easy to stay close to. Yes, love may even have trying times but we always will be able to reconnect with an even stronger bond. With love I will never have to ask the question “WHERE WERE YOU”, because that love is there with me through every breath, trial, storm, heartache, and even when feel I want to be left alone……. Love is ALWAYS there!
Love respects my space and also moves at an easy pace so that the two of us are able to enjoy every seconds of each day. Love calls to check on me throughout his day, just to hear my smile and know that he put that smile on my face. He caters to my wants and needs just as I do his, and I never have to ask him because he already knows exactly what it is I need and want. Love goes out of his way to make sure that I’m happy, simply so that I can effortlessly make him happy.
Love is intense and is so powerful that I will sit to myself and gasp at the very thought of how blessed I am to have such a love; It will be that type of love that wakes me up just to hold me and not say a thing, man, man, man…..Yes, the kind of love that will make me want to go out and buy him an engagement ring! Hahahaha
When with Love and in Love, I don’t have to “go with the flow” or even “roll with the punches”, neither are an option because love is comfortable enough to play on my solitude. There wouldn’t be any going to sleep angry at love because I would miss him too much, besides he wouldn’t let me because HE LOVES ME that much. I will be able to lay with love and hear that his heart beat matches up with mines and that will hand me comfort in knowing that GOD made someone to match me so much; that WE share the very same heart beat. Love is ALWAYS LOVE and undeniable to the physical eye. Love hurts so GOOD that it makes you cry, that kind of love that makes you want to watch him as a movie and press pause to make stay. Yes, it’s that type of LOVE that I CRAVE.
Dear Love,
I CRAVE YOU…...
Xoxo RUTH
Real love is something that is hard to walk away from and easy to stay close to. Yes, love may even have trying times but we always will be able to reconnect with an even stronger bond. With love I will never have to ask the question “WHERE WERE YOU”, because that love is there with me through every breath, trial, storm, heartache, and even when feel I want to be left alone……. Love is ALWAYS there!
Love respects my space and also moves at an easy pace so that the two of us are able to enjoy every seconds of each day. Love calls to check on me throughout his day, just to hear my smile and know that he put that smile on my face. He caters to my wants and needs just as I do his, and I never have to ask him because he already knows exactly what it is I need and want. Love goes out of his way to make sure that I’m happy, simply so that I can effortlessly make him happy.
Love is intense and is so powerful that I will sit to myself and gasp at the very thought of how blessed I am to have such a love; It will be that type of love that wakes me up just to hold me and not say a thing, man, man, man…..Yes, the kind of love that will make me want to go out and buy him an engagement ring! Hahahaha
When with Love and in Love, I don’t have to “go with the flow” or even “roll with the punches”, neither are an option because love is comfortable enough to play on my solitude. There wouldn’t be any going to sleep angry at love because I would miss him too much, besides he wouldn’t let me because HE LOVES ME that much. I will be able to lay with love and hear that his heart beat matches up with mines and that will hand me comfort in knowing that GOD made someone to match me so much; that WE share the very same heart beat. Love is ALWAYS LOVE and undeniable to the physical eye. Love hurts so GOOD that it makes you cry, that kind of love that makes you want to watch him as a movie and press pause to make stay. Yes, it’s that type of LOVE that I CRAVE.
Dear Love,
I CRAVE YOU…...
Xoxo RUTH
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
It is OK to be SINGLE~
Being single doesn’t mean that you are necessarily ready to mingle. For whatever reason you are single, that time should be used to identify with yourself. By identifying with yourself, you are enabling you to grow closer, and understand YOU.
There is NO WAY possible that you can allow any one person to give you your identity or even worse you try to make THEM what you feel is your identity. Once single (and trust me you know when you are SINGLE, I don’t care if he does stop by every other week YOU SINGLE) you have the open space to learn, grow, breathe and gain your very own understanding of life and relationships. We have a tendency to get into a “relationship” with a person and in some cases allow them to control everything about us; the way we dress, our personality, the way we walk and talk, hell even our minds.. We as individuals ALLOW ourselves to let go of ALL control, just to show how much of ourselves we are will to give up for that particular relationship.
Single in my opinion should be time for SOLITUDE and ISOLATION which equals to some type of rehabilitation from previous relationships and other individuals period. In order to go through cleansing yourself from previous relationships you first have to LET GO of them. Letting go does not mean cutting the communication and physical contact only, it also means cutting the emotional attachments and whatever hold previous individuals/relationships may have had on you. If anyone from your past relationships can still get you angry, hurt your feelings, and or something they may say or do can affect you in any kind of way; then you have not let them go. Solitude can give you peace and isolate you from what it is you need to be positioned apart from in order to step into future blessings and relationships.
Being single does not have to be a horrible thing. Yes, you will go through your periods of wanting someone there and yes you will even look around on holidays and wish you had a mate to wake up to on those special days; I can’t say that those feelings won’t be there. What I can say is that they are feelings that you will eventually condition yourself to set aside so that you are able to work on yourself as a person and soon become ready for the next relationship and elevated level in your future.
Most people can’t seem to distinguish the difference between LOVE and LUST and find themselves stuck in relationships that they really SHOULD NOT be in. Trust me if it were “LOVE “ it would not need and want to control everything about you; and if it wasn’t “LUST” then your “relationships” would then be much more then the occasional meet up’s for sex and or out of the blue all of a sudden quality time being spent. When single you are able to key in on what an individual was really all about during the time you were in a so called “relationship” with them. That is when you have those slapping yourself in the face moments and the WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING MOMENTS along with the WHAT EVEN MADE ME STAY THAT LONG moments??? Hahahaha, from that we develop a way to weed out the B.S., and grow as individuals from it all.
Breaking out of what had you bound all that time is like another body being lifted off your back and shoulders. In order to be single and be successful at being single you have to give yourself that time and room to simply GROW and you can’t do that if every time you look around your either back in the face of your past or even worse in the face of who won’t even be in your future. Single time can be use to reach self goals along with reaching a point in your life where you require MORE because you have MORE to offer to your future relationships.
Dealing with “FOR THE MOMENTS” while going through your single stage can be very distractive and, also block your progress as an individual. Brief encounters can also add emotional confusion to what already has you tied up into knots. We have to make sure to see ourselves in our own destiny before we can see anyone else there; not seeing you there just mean you still have some working on YOU to do. If you begin to make you your first priority then everything and everyone will eventually fall into place in your life.
Beauty is so much more than your outer appearance; your inner has to match up with your outer in order for you to even be considered for a serious relationship. I don’t see men taking women serious that have no mind of their own and simply can’t guide themselves, just like I don’t see women taking men serious that have to be raised as if he is not an adult already. Singleness allows you that time to get it all together prior to stepping into something with someone and then they turn around and realize dealing with YOU, was a waste of their time.
Me personally, I have been single for some time now and I don’t mind being single because I have expectations/goals that I have for MYSELF that I have yet to even reach. I also have expectations of my future mate that I feel “MOST” men should possess already naturally. I feel like if I open myself up to a relationship then I need to have a lot to bring to the table, well beyond any amount of money. Being single has allowed me to pay attention to the way individuals handle me on various levels. I can only move toward an actual relationship once I am READY, I don’t force it because I am not pressed to be attached to anyone especially anyone that will bring constant drama, pain, and foolishness to my life. The second I pick up on “RED FLAGS” I know to step away from it, I would also like to think that my spiritual guidance also adds to me knowing better, when I should in fact know better. Don’t get me wrong at all I really do go through moments OFTEN, when I want someone there or I simply want to pick up the phone and hear HIM on the other end wanting to know how my day went. I go through even more AGONIZING moments when I want to be physically pacified (if I can just be HONEST here ha) and it is HARD to just roll over to my body pillow and just GO TO SLEEP… I can’t lie at all being single is VERY trying MOST of the time. Then out of the trying times comes my independence and the capability to have PATIENCE and security as an INDIVIDUAL, so that eventually I can carry good qualities over into my relationship when it’s time.
Moral of the Story: IT IS OKAY, TO BE SINGLE……. Being SINGLE allows you to BETTER YOURSELF for your future RELATIONSHIP that is actually sitting in YOUR DESTINY waiting on you to see YOURSELF there..Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH
There is NO WAY possible that you can allow any one person to give you your identity or even worse you try to make THEM what you feel is your identity. Once single (and trust me you know when you are SINGLE, I don’t care if he does stop by every other week YOU SINGLE) you have the open space to learn, grow, breathe and gain your very own understanding of life and relationships. We have a tendency to get into a “relationship” with a person and in some cases allow them to control everything about us; the way we dress, our personality, the way we walk and talk, hell even our minds.. We as individuals ALLOW ourselves to let go of ALL control, just to show how much of ourselves we are will to give up for that particular relationship.
Single in my opinion should be time for SOLITUDE and ISOLATION which equals to some type of rehabilitation from previous relationships and other individuals period. In order to go through cleansing yourself from previous relationships you first have to LET GO of them. Letting go does not mean cutting the communication and physical contact only, it also means cutting the emotional attachments and whatever hold previous individuals/relationships may have had on you. If anyone from your past relationships can still get you angry, hurt your feelings, and or something they may say or do can affect you in any kind of way; then you have not let them go. Solitude can give you peace and isolate you from what it is you need to be positioned apart from in order to step into future blessings and relationships.
Being single does not have to be a horrible thing. Yes, you will go through your periods of wanting someone there and yes you will even look around on holidays and wish you had a mate to wake up to on those special days; I can’t say that those feelings won’t be there. What I can say is that they are feelings that you will eventually condition yourself to set aside so that you are able to work on yourself as a person and soon become ready for the next relationship and elevated level in your future.
Most people can’t seem to distinguish the difference between LOVE and LUST and find themselves stuck in relationships that they really SHOULD NOT be in. Trust me if it were “LOVE “ it would not need and want to control everything about you; and if it wasn’t “LUST” then your “relationships” would then be much more then the occasional meet up’s for sex and or out of the blue all of a sudden quality time being spent. When single you are able to key in on what an individual was really all about during the time you were in a so called “relationship” with them. That is when you have those slapping yourself in the face moments and the WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING MOMENTS along with the WHAT EVEN MADE ME STAY THAT LONG moments??? Hahahaha, from that we develop a way to weed out the B.S., and grow as individuals from it all.
Breaking out of what had you bound all that time is like another body being lifted off your back and shoulders. In order to be single and be successful at being single you have to give yourself that time and room to simply GROW and you can’t do that if every time you look around your either back in the face of your past or even worse in the face of who won’t even be in your future. Single time can be use to reach self goals along with reaching a point in your life where you require MORE because you have MORE to offer to your future relationships.
Dealing with “FOR THE MOMENTS” while going through your single stage can be very distractive and, also block your progress as an individual. Brief encounters can also add emotional confusion to what already has you tied up into knots. We have to make sure to see ourselves in our own destiny before we can see anyone else there; not seeing you there just mean you still have some working on YOU to do. If you begin to make you your first priority then everything and everyone will eventually fall into place in your life.
Beauty is so much more than your outer appearance; your inner has to match up with your outer in order for you to even be considered for a serious relationship. I don’t see men taking women serious that have no mind of their own and simply can’t guide themselves, just like I don’t see women taking men serious that have to be raised as if he is not an adult already. Singleness allows you that time to get it all together prior to stepping into something with someone and then they turn around and realize dealing with YOU, was a waste of their time.
Me personally, I have been single for some time now and I don’t mind being single because I have expectations/goals that I have for MYSELF that I have yet to even reach. I also have expectations of my future mate that I feel “MOST” men should possess already naturally. I feel like if I open myself up to a relationship then I need to have a lot to bring to the table, well beyond any amount of money. Being single has allowed me to pay attention to the way individuals handle me on various levels. I can only move toward an actual relationship once I am READY, I don’t force it because I am not pressed to be attached to anyone especially anyone that will bring constant drama, pain, and foolishness to my life. The second I pick up on “RED FLAGS” I know to step away from it, I would also like to think that my spiritual guidance also adds to me knowing better, when I should in fact know better. Don’t get me wrong at all I really do go through moments OFTEN, when I want someone there or I simply want to pick up the phone and hear HIM on the other end wanting to know how my day went. I go through even more AGONIZING moments when I want to be physically pacified (if I can just be HONEST here ha) and it is HARD to just roll over to my body pillow and just GO TO SLEEP… I can’t lie at all being single is VERY trying MOST of the time. Then out of the trying times comes my independence and the capability to have PATIENCE and security as an INDIVIDUAL, so that eventually I can carry good qualities over into my relationship when it’s time.
Moral of the Story: IT IS OKAY, TO BE SINGLE……. Being SINGLE allows you to BETTER YOURSELF for your future RELATIONSHIP that is actually sitting in YOUR DESTINY waiting on you to see YOURSELF there..Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Nothing is "COMPLICATED" about it~
There is nothing complicated about being single, just the same as there being nothing complicated about being in a relationship………
People let’s simply be REAL with OURSELVES for just ONCE…
Real LIFE and this is why at 32, I really don’t mind being SINGLE!
He wants to take you out on a few dates, show you how good he can treat you, and make sure he goes out of his way to leave a good impression with you of him so that it will be difficult to resist more dates with him.
While dating it starts to become clear to you, that you can open yourself up to him and be willing to take this thing further. At start you battle with even being open at all, you struggle with stepping out of your comfort zone of not having attached emotions to anyone and you decide that if you don’t step out of your zone now, then when will you or even scarier WILL YOU EVER??? So, ever so often you get brave enough to say what the hell will this hurt if I do? As long as I can keep face then I will be fine rather it works out or not. WRONG!!!!!!
In the beginning you guys discuss past relationships and even what your current feelings and situations are when it comes to being in a relationship. You are so single and have been for years, by choice simply because of the standards you have set for yourself as a WOMAN along with the standards you set for your future relationships. All of that is laid out and clear, it is understood what you will go for and what you will not go for as it is also understood what you will dish out and what you expect back from your mate in return.
RED FLAGS: He then goes into his past relationship, which happens to have “ended” as early as a few months prior to you guys actually meeting (if it ever ended at all) based on his words “it’s OVER”. Then you notice after awhile of spending time with him more and more over a period of time that during intimate moments of simply laying there and listening to his heart beat while you lay there on his chest trying to connect the rhythm of his heart beats with yours…… THAT HE IS SOMEWHERE ELSE MENTALLY…
You notice but you keep it to yourself, while at the same time checking yourself for even being open enough to get to this point. After this you decide to recline from the situation a bit, but of course not enough. You might not hang out every weekend anymore, and you might not even text and call as much but you still continued in some type of way.
He acts as if he is confused as to why you have reclined from being consistent with him and wants to get together to discuss what areas the two of you can work on so that you guys can move forward and grow closer and possibly be more. While discussing it all, the fact that since you have reclined yet another woman is now involved with this man. After awhile the conversation is tuned out by your loud thoughts, and all your thoughts are saying to you “not only does he want to be in his past relationship, but hell he not even focused ENOUGH to see what can be what with one or the other. He seems to want to have it all, until his past decides to take him back.” The thing that you think about often is the fact that he has been admiring you from a far all these years and finally had the break to step forward on what he has been wanting to do. Not only is it you that’s been admired by him all these years, but there are a few and he just has the open room and opportunity to move towards everyone because his past stepped away for a second.
Yes, I said a second see she might have been there all these years and decided that she would try her own hand, since he wouldn’t actually step to the plate the way he should and even TRY to correct some issues that needed to be corrected between the two. She invested a lot in their relationship and doesn’t really want to throw it away, but she NEEDS HIM TO REALIZE what he has in her as his woman, and that he can’t go through various women to find what he already has. She is giving him TIME to grow up & realize when it is all said and done, that all their history and past together means more then what he felt it was all worth.
Honestly he is sick about the break in their relationship and it’s not taking money losses that have him in the fetal position, it’s the fact that she MIGHT BE MOVING ON and he realizes that he MESSED UP all this time. You guys still go back and forth and you know him enough to know that something is wrong based on his tone, you inquire if he is ok and he lets you know he will be cool he just took a loss, ha! He even goes as far as to giving you a dollar amount when in fact there is no amount to the “LOSS” he is grieving.
You continue your distance and understand that you should not have wasted your energy this long, because this is clearly a man that wants too much on top of what he already has. Holidays roll by and it’s clear to you that he spends them with her, it’s even clear to you that birthdays are still even celebrated together and there you have it CLARITY of the fact that they both are keeping one another close enough for a safety net while still swimming in other directions.
You continue to be the bigger person and keep your distance and even stop communication between you and him. Every now and then thoughts of you guys run through your mind and even thoughts of what could have been, only to be washed out by the fact that you’re not and won’t be. Out of the blue, you get a text from him and figure no harm can be done from this. He lets you know that he “MISSES YOU”, and that he wants to take you out and see you because he thinks of you often. You respond letting him know you miss him too, and that you would be open to going to hang out with him. Texts then fade for a day or two only to start back up with the same quotes from a few days before and added is the fact that his “situations” is “COMPLICATED”. Then it dawns on you what is needs to be said in order for both sides to just L.I.G. (let it GO) it..
“Me, I am single and I KNOW that you are NOT, there is NOTHING “complicated” about being single and or being in a relationship or married; either you are or you are not. Simple!!! I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t open to you when we first started talking. Now I would be lying to MYSELF if I went out with you again. We met and hung out and that was good when it was, and we both know and understand why we can’t anymore. YES YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP and YOU should find happiness in that and TRY to STAY TRUE TO THAT.. Going back and forth with me would only “COMPLICATE” things. I am good and we are cool friends and will always be that.”
You and he have NO CHOICE but to respect and except EXACTLY what it is……
See, once we realize that we are actually MORE than an OPTION, then and only then are we looked at as such. I can’t seem to set ME aside because of him and his pride, nor can I over look the fact that I am being over looked even though I am right there in front of his face. I am worth much more than uncertainty and I can’t seem to allow MYSELF to settle for any uncertain situation.
My tuition has NEVER been wrong, maybe it has made me seem and feel CRAZY hahaha but it has never been wrong. I have learned through the years to NEVER SECOND GUESS ME, simply because it is ME that is looking out and protecting ME. When dating I understand the false hood of a lot of men and what they say they might want and I know to watch for the simple lies that men then send my way. The type of lies that never had to be in the first place are the ones that I hear, because those are the one that THEY NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE to actually SAY…
Moral of the STORY: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOU……
TRUTH is ALWAYS LOVE & LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVE~
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH!!!!
People let’s simply be REAL with OURSELVES for just ONCE…
Real LIFE and this is why at 32, I really don’t mind being SINGLE!
He wants to take you out on a few dates, show you how good he can treat you, and make sure he goes out of his way to leave a good impression with you of him so that it will be difficult to resist more dates with him.
While dating it starts to become clear to you, that you can open yourself up to him and be willing to take this thing further. At start you battle with even being open at all, you struggle with stepping out of your comfort zone of not having attached emotions to anyone and you decide that if you don’t step out of your zone now, then when will you or even scarier WILL YOU EVER??? So, ever so often you get brave enough to say what the hell will this hurt if I do? As long as I can keep face then I will be fine rather it works out or not. WRONG!!!!!!
In the beginning you guys discuss past relationships and even what your current feelings and situations are when it comes to being in a relationship. You are so single and have been for years, by choice simply because of the standards you have set for yourself as a WOMAN along with the standards you set for your future relationships. All of that is laid out and clear, it is understood what you will go for and what you will not go for as it is also understood what you will dish out and what you expect back from your mate in return.
RED FLAGS: He then goes into his past relationship, which happens to have “ended” as early as a few months prior to you guys actually meeting (if it ever ended at all) based on his words “it’s OVER”. Then you notice after awhile of spending time with him more and more over a period of time that during intimate moments of simply laying there and listening to his heart beat while you lay there on his chest trying to connect the rhythm of his heart beats with yours…… THAT HE IS SOMEWHERE ELSE MENTALLY…
You notice but you keep it to yourself, while at the same time checking yourself for even being open enough to get to this point. After this you decide to recline from the situation a bit, but of course not enough. You might not hang out every weekend anymore, and you might not even text and call as much but you still continued in some type of way.
He acts as if he is confused as to why you have reclined from being consistent with him and wants to get together to discuss what areas the two of you can work on so that you guys can move forward and grow closer and possibly be more. While discussing it all, the fact that since you have reclined yet another woman is now involved with this man. After awhile the conversation is tuned out by your loud thoughts, and all your thoughts are saying to you “not only does he want to be in his past relationship, but hell he not even focused ENOUGH to see what can be what with one or the other. He seems to want to have it all, until his past decides to take him back.” The thing that you think about often is the fact that he has been admiring you from a far all these years and finally had the break to step forward on what he has been wanting to do. Not only is it you that’s been admired by him all these years, but there are a few and he just has the open room and opportunity to move towards everyone because his past stepped away for a second.
Yes, I said a second see she might have been there all these years and decided that she would try her own hand, since he wouldn’t actually step to the plate the way he should and even TRY to correct some issues that needed to be corrected between the two. She invested a lot in their relationship and doesn’t really want to throw it away, but she NEEDS HIM TO REALIZE what he has in her as his woman, and that he can’t go through various women to find what he already has. She is giving him TIME to grow up & realize when it is all said and done, that all their history and past together means more then what he felt it was all worth.
Honestly he is sick about the break in their relationship and it’s not taking money losses that have him in the fetal position, it’s the fact that she MIGHT BE MOVING ON and he realizes that he MESSED UP all this time. You guys still go back and forth and you know him enough to know that something is wrong based on his tone, you inquire if he is ok and he lets you know he will be cool he just took a loss, ha! He even goes as far as to giving you a dollar amount when in fact there is no amount to the “LOSS” he is grieving.
You continue your distance and understand that you should not have wasted your energy this long, because this is clearly a man that wants too much on top of what he already has. Holidays roll by and it’s clear to you that he spends them with her, it’s even clear to you that birthdays are still even celebrated together and there you have it CLARITY of the fact that they both are keeping one another close enough for a safety net while still swimming in other directions.
You continue to be the bigger person and keep your distance and even stop communication between you and him. Every now and then thoughts of you guys run through your mind and even thoughts of what could have been, only to be washed out by the fact that you’re not and won’t be. Out of the blue, you get a text from him and figure no harm can be done from this. He lets you know that he “MISSES YOU”, and that he wants to take you out and see you because he thinks of you often. You respond letting him know you miss him too, and that you would be open to going to hang out with him. Texts then fade for a day or two only to start back up with the same quotes from a few days before and added is the fact that his “situations” is “COMPLICATED”. Then it dawns on you what is needs to be said in order for both sides to just L.I.G. (let it GO) it..
“Me, I am single and I KNOW that you are NOT, there is NOTHING “complicated” about being single and or being in a relationship or married; either you are or you are not. Simple!!! I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t open to you when we first started talking. Now I would be lying to MYSELF if I went out with you again. We met and hung out and that was good when it was, and we both know and understand why we can’t anymore. YES YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP and YOU should find happiness in that and TRY to STAY TRUE TO THAT.. Going back and forth with me would only “COMPLICATE” things. I am good and we are cool friends and will always be that.”
You and he have NO CHOICE but to respect and except EXACTLY what it is……
See, once we realize that we are actually MORE than an OPTION, then and only then are we looked at as such. I can’t seem to set ME aside because of him and his pride, nor can I over look the fact that I am being over looked even though I am right there in front of his face. I am worth much more than uncertainty and I can’t seem to allow MYSELF to settle for any uncertain situation.
My tuition has NEVER been wrong, maybe it has made me seem and feel CRAZY hahaha but it has never been wrong. I have learned through the years to NEVER SECOND GUESS ME, simply because it is ME that is looking out and protecting ME. When dating I understand the false hood of a lot of men and what they say they might want and I know to watch for the simple lies that men then send my way. The type of lies that never had to be in the first place are the ones that I hear, because those are the one that THEY NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE to actually SAY…
Moral of the STORY: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOU……
TRUTH is ALWAYS LOVE & LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVE~
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
PEACE Keep ME Still (Jehovah Shalom)~
There are times when I get exhausted from my thoughts. I get exhausted, yet I allow my thoughts to keep me up at night. I allow myself to be attacked by the spirit of confusion, when I know what I know, and I know that I know better.. I know that I serve an AWESOME God, and I know that HE IS:JEHOVAH, Jehovah-Jireh, Jehovah-Rophe, Jehovah-Nissi, Jehovah-M'Kaddesh, Jehovah-Elohim, Jehovah-Rohi, Jehovah-Tsidkenu, Jehovah-Shammah, Jehova-Sabaoth and he is even MORE than all of that... Yet I STILL allow my thoughts to exaust me..
Learning Patience~
I know that I expect a lot of things in life, when it comes to better; I expect a better outcome, a better start, a better in-between, a better end, and a better ME.. I expect things at times to happen when I am not actually making them happen for MYSELF. Yes, I am taking it to God and letting go and letting God; but I am actually "LETTING GO". Meaning I don't FIGHT for better, nor do I myself TRY to even move towards BETTER. Oh but this is what I expect, in my mind I even put it all together and it makes sense, yet I do NOTHING to move towards BETTER.
Yes, I want and expect a HUSBAND.
Yes, I expect the house of MY dreams.
Yes, I expect, want and NEED stability.
Yes, I expect more of MYSELF.
Yes, I expect maturity when a person deals with me.
And YES, my list of WHAT I expect can go on and on......
Then God answers me and all my "expectations" and CLEARLY shows and STATES nothing less than FACTS to ME:
Yes, honey I can give you ALL that you EXPECT to have and do. But can you first answer these questions for YOURSELF; then come and talk to me about you "expecting better"?
How do you "expect" this husband, this MAN that I have for you when you have nothing to bring to the table YOURSELF? Why would I hand you BOAZ, and you NOT together? What are you doing or even better, WHAT have you DONE to prepare yourself to be someones WIFE? If I were to put you in that house could you keep it? If you had the house of your "dreams" could you REALLY maintain the up keep of such a home? Sweetie IF you expect MATURITY from a person, then WHY do you continue to deal with/put yourself in the company of such IMMATURE people? Dear, if you are complicated to people, then WHAT about you keeps wanting to deal with SIMPLE people and their SIMPLE ways? You say you even would like a point in your life where you are "STABLE" well baby WHY you keep SETTLING for LESS? If you want to be more stable honey, then why won't you TRY HARDER TO DO BETTER and HAVE BETTER? So you DO expect more of yourself you say..... So WHY you don't start being THE HEAD and not the TAIL?? Why don't you get YOUR LAZY, narrow minded, don't want to move cause I might step on a crack and fall self UP and make it HAPPEN?
My cousin said it best that yes, God has a very FUNNY sense of HUMOR oh but at the same time HE IS SO SERIOUS. I am constantly "thinking" about what, how and when but I am too scared of WHAT IF..I have not pushed MYSELF further, it's ME that has been holding ME UP. What GOD has for me he HAS already, he just waiting on ME to get ME together enough so that I don't MESS UP, WHAT HE HAS for me and my life.
God has shown me that he has given me ALL the tools throughout my life and even the muscle to make things happen, I just didn't want to use the sharp and too heavy tools because I was worried about strain, cuts and bruises.. Ha! I was worried about STRAIN, CUTS AND BRUISES do you HEAR ME??? I SHOULD have been worried about the STRAIN, CUTS, BRUISES, HEARTACHE and WOUNDS that are declared OPEN at ALL times from NOT using the tools GOD gave me to use. I mean, I have sat myself in some stuff that has caused me to NEED HOSPITALIZATION and REHABILITATION. I look BACK on all that and I WASTED time, ENERGY, and ME on what and WHO was ASSISTING in the CONFUSION in my life.
Now I have come to a point in my life where I UNDERSTAND and KNOW that I can't DO THIS thing called LIFE on my own. No, I NEED EVERYTHING that GOD is to GUIDE ME through, I NEED to have FAITH that HE GOT ME. I mean WHO do I honestly think had ME ALL THIS TIME?? I know what I know and as I said before I KNOW BETTER!!! If GOD is for ME, then WHO and WHAT can be against ME?? I, am currently doing MY part and I realize basically what I been knowing all this time and that is that I have to want BETTER enough to work with NOBODY BUT GOD....
Stepping out on my FAITH has proven to show me that GOD has LOVED ME all this time MORE than I LOVED ME, I just NEEDED to MOVE on my FAITH and TRUST IN HIM....
The SHALOM PEACE of GOD is over MY life, my home, my children, all that I do and all that I WILL do. If you DECLARE it GOD WILL give it to you on EVERY level and even levels that you didn't even know could be attained. If YOU can't make YOU happy and you can't hand yourself YOUR JOY, then baby you GOT TO ALLOW GOD to HAVE HIS WAY in your life..
GET YO-SELF (and YES I said YO-SELF) UP, GET OUT AND GET SOMETHING... Don't sit around and think about and question WHY things are not happening in your life, or even why you don't seem to be getting BLESSED with your blessings but EVERYONE else around you is.. SHUT UP ALL THE CRYING, CLEAR the POUND puppy faces AND BE ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!! GET YO-SELF TOGETHER so that GOD CAN DO~WHAT HE WANTS TO DO in YOUR LIFE... God did say PEACE be STILL, but he don't mean DON'T DO NOTHING, some of us have that scripture ALL MESSED up.. He telling you to SHUT YOUR MOUTH & BE STILL on the matter at hand, before you get yourself in something that you can't get out of. He NOT telling you to BE STILL and DON'T DO NOTHING WITH YOURSELF... No sweetie he NEED YOU to MOVE FORWARD on WHAT it is you are seeking from HIM... Be yourself STILL and be patient on what GOD is working out IN YOUR LIFE and be at PEACE knowing that GOD IS doing it. BE PATIENT and WORK towards it, and honey GOD WILL MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS for you, to you and BY YOU & HIM(GOD) working through it ALL TOGETHER...
My current status is being at PEACE with KNOWING that GOD is in CONTROL once I step out on MY FAITH and TRUST HIM...
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
Learning Patience~
I know that I expect a lot of things in life, when it comes to better; I expect a better outcome, a better start, a better in-between, a better end, and a better ME.. I expect things at times to happen when I am not actually making them happen for MYSELF. Yes, I am taking it to God and letting go and letting God; but I am actually "LETTING GO". Meaning I don't FIGHT for better, nor do I myself TRY to even move towards BETTER. Oh but this is what I expect, in my mind I even put it all together and it makes sense, yet I do NOTHING to move towards BETTER.
Yes, I want and expect a HUSBAND.
Yes, I expect the house of MY dreams.
Yes, I expect, want and NEED stability.
Yes, I expect more of MYSELF.
Yes, I expect maturity when a person deals with me.
And YES, my list of WHAT I expect can go on and on......
Then God answers me and all my "expectations" and CLEARLY shows and STATES nothing less than FACTS to ME:
Yes, honey I can give you ALL that you EXPECT to have and do. But can you first answer these questions for YOURSELF; then come and talk to me about you "expecting better"?
How do you "expect" this husband, this MAN that I have for you when you have nothing to bring to the table YOURSELF? Why would I hand you BOAZ, and you NOT together? What are you doing or even better, WHAT have you DONE to prepare yourself to be someones WIFE? If I were to put you in that house could you keep it? If you had the house of your "dreams" could you REALLY maintain the up keep of such a home? Sweetie IF you expect MATURITY from a person, then WHY do you continue to deal with/put yourself in the company of such IMMATURE people? Dear, if you are complicated to people, then WHAT about you keeps wanting to deal with SIMPLE people and their SIMPLE ways? You say you even would like a point in your life where you are "STABLE" well baby WHY you keep SETTLING for LESS? If you want to be more stable honey, then why won't you TRY HARDER TO DO BETTER and HAVE BETTER? So you DO expect more of yourself you say..... So WHY you don't start being THE HEAD and not the TAIL?? Why don't you get YOUR LAZY, narrow minded, don't want to move cause I might step on a crack and fall self UP and make it HAPPEN?
My cousin said it best that yes, God has a very FUNNY sense of HUMOR oh but at the same time HE IS SO SERIOUS. I am constantly "thinking" about what, how and when but I am too scared of WHAT IF..I have not pushed MYSELF further, it's ME that has been holding ME UP. What GOD has for me he HAS already, he just waiting on ME to get ME together enough so that I don't MESS UP, WHAT HE HAS for me and my life.
God has shown me that he has given me ALL the tools throughout my life and even the muscle to make things happen, I just didn't want to use the sharp and too heavy tools because I was worried about strain, cuts and bruises.. Ha! I was worried about STRAIN, CUTS AND BRUISES do you HEAR ME??? I SHOULD have been worried about the STRAIN, CUTS, BRUISES, HEARTACHE and WOUNDS that are declared OPEN at ALL times from NOT using the tools GOD gave me to use. I mean, I have sat myself in some stuff that has caused me to NEED HOSPITALIZATION and REHABILITATION. I look BACK on all that and I WASTED time, ENERGY, and ME on what and WHO was ASSISTING in the CONFUSION in my life.
Now I have come to a point in my life where I UNDERSTAND and KNOW that I can't DO THIS thing called LIFE on my own. No, I NEED EVERYTHING that GOD is to GUIDE ME through, I NEED to have FAITH that HE GOT ME. I mean WHO do I honestly think had ME ALL THIS TIME?? I know what I know and as I said before I KNOW BETTER!!! If GOD is for ME, then WHO and WHAT can be against ME?? I, am currently doing MY part and I realize basically what I been knowing all this time and that is that I have to want BETTER enough to work with NOBODY BUT GOD....
Stepping out on my FAITH has proven to show me that GOD has LOVED ME all this time MORE than I LOVED ME, I just NEEDED to MOVE on my FAITH and TRUST IN HIM....
The SHALOM PEACE of GOD is over MY life, my home, my children, all that I do and all that I WILL do. If you DECLARE it GOD WILL give it to you on EVERY level and even levels that you didn't even know could be attained. If YOU can't make YOU happy and you can't hand yourself YOUR JOY, then baby you GOT TO ALLOW GOD to HAVE HIS WAY in your life..
GET YO-SELF (and YES I said YO-SELF) UP, GET OUT AND GET SOMETHING... Don't sit around and think about and question WHY things are not happening in your life, or even why you don't seem to be getting BLESSED with your blessings but EVERYONE else around you is.. SHUT UP ALL THE CRYING, CLEAR the POUND puppy faces AND BE ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!! GET YO-SELF TOGETHER so that GOD CAN DO~WHAT HE WANTS TO DO in YOUR LIFE... God did say PEACE be STILL, but he don't mean DON'T DO NOTHING, some of us have that scripture ALL MESSED up.. He telling you to SHUT YOUR MOUTH & BE STILL on the matter at hand, before you get yourself in something that you can't get out of. He NOT telling you to BE STILL and DON'T DO NOTHING WITH YOURSELF... No sweetie he NEED YOU to MOVE FORWARD on WHAT it is you are seeking from HIM... Be yourself STILL and be patient on what GOD is working out IN YOUR LIFE and be at PEACE knowing that GOD IS doing it. BE PATIENT and WORK towards it, and honey GOD WILL MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS for you, to you and BY YOU & HIM(GOD) working through it ALL TOGETHER...
My current status is being at PEACE with KNOWING that GOD is in CONTROL once I step out on MY FAITH and TRUST HIM...
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Hand Prints
Everyday to me is a step closer to what GOD has in stored for my life. So I think through out each day about the things that I could possibly be doing wrong to prevent me from my full elevation. Elevation rather it be spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally; all of that elevation is tied together. Simple things can't continue to keep me tied in bondage.
Staying in bondage can keep you even from yourself, and will allow you to not even acknowledge a little bit your plan in life. Life's plans can be altered by bondage from simple things, in whatever way I put it these things are blocking you from SO MUCH happening in YOUR LIFE in SO MANY areas of your life..
Relationship Bondage~
For a child relationship starts with their parents, either the parent keeps that child or walks away.From that point in a child's life they learn how to determine how to cope with relationships. A person learns to deal with the SHIFTS in relationships and begin to understand that the only thing that is constant in many of our relationships are CHANGE.
My first love was my Step Father, whom at the time I did not even consider the step at the beginning of him. He was simply my Father and as a little girl I was in love with this man. All I knew was that he loved me back just as much as I loved him. Nothing in my child like heart and thoughts could have prepared me for separation from him, nor could I be coached into understanding not only were we separated but he could walk away without looking back. A hurt that can't even be described in words, yet a strengthening that can't be broken down. From that relationship on I as a girl growing into my woman-hood built this wall that was layered with brick, steel,and logs that wall allowed me to only let people in so much, and only enough. When ever I would feel that things were too complicated and should not be; then I would shut them out because nothing about LOVE has ever been complicated to me.
Dealing with my own father, whom I came to know more during my teenage years and to me he has always been exactly WHO he is. Don't get me wrong he CAN be a good man, he can be a kind and giving person even. When he had the chance to make his first impression with me, it was then another blow to who was already set on the other side of a wall that could easily sit him on the opposite side. From that point on my emotions had been married to the two "MEN" that had the opportunity of the FIRST impression of WHAT & HOW most men think and are, how they operate and how they shut down and shut out... These were MY FATHERS~
Hand Prints~
Every time I found myself in a NEW "relationship" through out my life, at the end of those relationships I found myself still BOUND by the EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS to that person. Even now, I continue to look back and miss some him, and him happens to be WHO my thoughts are on at that moment. I let go of the physical and I even let go of the contact, through the years I couldn't let go of the way I felt about him. I wrote him letters and never mailed them off, I sent him emails to just check that he is still ok, I text to say happy birthday every year, and I even run into him here and there. I see him during football season, I see him during basketball season, off season I see him and my emotions push me the other way. I see him in the streets, and I see him every Friday and Sunday, I see him in my sleep and I see him when I am WEAK. Gosh!!
The hand prints from him left things foggy and I been trying to clear things out of my system so that there is nothing about him that I am attached to. Being attached/bound in this way has caused Ruth's HUSBAND to be DELAYED/pushed further away. See I MARRIED him emotionally each and every time I was with him, and in return that took away emotions that are to be fully given to MY BOAZ. Giving myself sucked me dry spiritually, to where I had to shut myself down emotionally when it came to men, him, and anyone else that was draining me emotionally and spiritually....
Being that my heart is connected to my spirit and my spirit helps to develop my wisdom, I have had to take myself through a THOROUGH CLEANSING period in my life. During this cleansing, I have been able to forgive, let go, and move on from every him that bound me and anyone else that had me bound. Forgiving these people that were in my life allowed me to also let them go and let them go in a way that doesn't bother me anymore. Yes, each and EVERY TIME "HE" walked away it bothered my spirit and it took from me what at that time I THOUGHT to be the better part of me. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!! The BETTER part of me I didn't see, because it was NEVER for me to give that to ANYONE other than WHO GOD has picked for me.
The fathers that are and were in my life, assisted in me realizing that men are sometimes simple creatures and what they look at in life as complications, they see it to be more fit to walk away then to stay. Men can shut you out so easy because they start at their own children. If it is so easy as to turn away from, walk away from and reject your own DNA then what makes a woman feel bitter at the fact that he didn't decide to stay? When you have run across a "man" that has had NO FIGHT about HIMSELF all his life, don't expect to come along and feel that you can add consistency to his life.
So yes now I walk away easy from a "dating" situation or you might even say a possible relationship, that's only because I have learned to let go of what is not good for me. I am learning that PATIENTLY waiting is what makes sense for MY LIFE. I need for these windows to clear up of these hand prints anyhow so that when BOAZ is looking through them he CAN SEE ME.. I also know that I no longer NEED that wall of emotional protection because those people that have hurt me and wounded my spirits are no longer holding the same position that they had in my life. Through this process, I am able to tell the real from the fake and LOVE from hate. Through it ALL, I THANK GOD for guiding me, protecting me and keeping me; even those times when I was losing ME.....
I am in REPAIR, I'm not together but YES, I am getting there~
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
Staying in bondage can keep you even from yourself, and will allow you to not even acknowledge a little bit your plan in life. Life's plans can be altered by bondage from simple things, in whatever way I put it these things are blocking you from SO MUCH happening in YOUR LIFE in SO MANY areas of your life..
Relationship Bondage~
For a child relationship starts with their parents, either the parent keeps that child or walks away.From that point in a child's life they learn how to determine how to cope with relationships. A person learns to deal with the SHIFTS in relationships and begin to understand that the only thing that is constant in many of our relationships are CHANGE.
My first love was my Step Father, whom at the time I did not even consider the step at the beginning of him. He was simply my Father and as a little girl I was in love with this man. All I knew was that he loved me back just as much as I loved him. Nothing in my child like heart and thoughts could have prepared me for separation from him, nor could I be coached into understanding not only were we separated but he could walk away without looking back. A hurt that can't even be described in words, yet a strengthening that can't be broken down. From that relationship on I as a girl growing into my woman-hood built this wall that was layered with brick, steel,and logs that wall allowed me to only let people in so much, and only enough. When ever I would feel that things were too complicated and should not be; then I would shut them out because nothing about LOVE has ever been complicated to me.
Dealing with my own father, whom I came to know more during my teenage years and to me he has always been exactly WHO he is. Don't get me wrong he CAN be a good man, he can be a kind and giving person even. When he had the chance to make his first impression with me, it was then another blow to who was already set on the other side of a wall that could easily sit him on the opposite side. From that point on my emotions had been married to the two "MEN" that had the opportunity of the FIRST impression of WHAT & HOW most men think and are, how they operate and how they shut down and shut out... These were MY FATHERS~
Hand Prints~
Every time I found myself in a NEW "relationship" through out my life, at the end of those relationships I found myself still BOUND by the EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS to that person. Even now, I continue to look back and miss some him, and him happens to be WHO my thoughts are on at that moment. I let go of the physical and I even let go of the contact, through the years I couldn't let go of the way I felt about him. I wrote him letters and never mailed them off, I sent him emails to just check that he is still ok, I text to say happy birthday every year, and I even run into him here and there. I see him during football season, I see him during basketball season, off season I see him and my emotions push me the other way. I see him in the streets, and I see him every Friday and Sunday, I see him in my sleep and I see him when I am WEAK. Gosh!!
The hand prints from him left things foggy and I been trying to clear things out of my system so that there is nothing about him that I am attached to. Being attached/bound in this way has caused Ruth's HUSBAND to be DELAYED/pushed further away. See I MARRIED him emotionally each and every time I was with him, and in return that took away emotions that are to be fully given to MY BOAZ. Giving myself sucked me dry spiritually, to where I had to shut myself down emotionally when it came to men, him, and anyone else that was draining me emotionally and spiritually....
Being that my heart is connected to my spirit and my spirit helps to develop my wisdom, I have had to take myself through a THOROUGH CLEANSING period in my life. During this cleansing, I have been able to forgive, let go, and move on from every him that bound me and anyone else that had me bound. Forgiving these people that were in my life allowed me to also let them go and let them go in a way that doesn't bother me anymore. Yes, each and EVERY TIME "HE" walked away it bothered my spirit and it took from me what at that time I THOUGHT to be the better part of me. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!! The BETTER part of me I didn't see, because it was NEVER for me to give that to ANYONE other than WHO GOD has picked for me.
The fathers that are and were in my life, assisted in me realizing that men are sometimes simple creatures and what they look at in life as complications, they see it to be more fit to walk away then to stay. Men can shut you out so easy because they start at their own children. If it is so easy as to turn away from, walk away from and reject your own DNA then what makes a woman feel bitter at the fact that he didn't decide to stay? When you have run across a "man" that has had NO FIGHT about HIMSELF all his life, don't expect to come along and feel that you can add consistency to his life.
So yes now I walk away easy from a "dating" situation or you might even say a possible relationship, that's only because I have learned to let go of what is not good for me. I am learning that PATIENTLY waiting is what makes sense for MY LIFE. I need for these windows to clear up of these hand prints anyhow so that when BOAZ is looking through them he CAN SEE ME.. I also know that I no longer NEED that wall of emotional protection because those people that have hurt me and wounded my spirits are no longer holding the same position that they had in my life. Through this process, I am able to tell the real from the fake and LOVE from hate. Through it ALL, I THANK GOD for guiding me, protecting me and keeping me; even those times when I was losing ME.....
I am in REPAIR, I'm not together but YES, I am getting there~
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
Monday, March 22, 2010
MAN UP~
This new week will begin with a new will, the will to simply want more in life. Not because we want more but because we NEED MORE!!! We can't continue to settle and allow those that are around us to settle, no we have to know that the will of GOD says so in our lives. We have to be determined to push ourselves beyond exhaustion to make life make sense for ourselves and we have to encourage those that we love to do the same.
PROVERBS (24:33-34)
33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest-
34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
How can you expect to eat but not work? What makes you think that things will happen simply because you got on your knees and prayed about it? Why do you consider yourself "living life" with the simple things that mean nothing, once you don't have them anymore?
I sit and I pay attention to the way people go about life and the train of thoughts that they develop about life, that makes their lives make sense to them and for them. These same people don't want more they actually don't mind pressing cruise control on their lives and sweeping away what is ACTUALLY going on in their lives. I see these things so clearly, because I, myself have been guilty of sleeping too long, sitting still and watching everything around me go even further into a hole than it all started off.
Yes, I have been broken down to a very low common denominator more then once actually. During those times I realized that me sleeping on a persons floors with their dogs and my two children, or me driving around in my car until I gathered up enough courage to ask if my children and I could spend just one night at someones home. Even staying in shelters and setting every inch of PRIDE that I had aside so that I can sit still long enough to figure out my life. I can take you deeper, hell I can even write a book about me at my lowest; and I can sit here now and type that I am far from my highest. The thing is it would take me longer then a blog can allow to rumble through my heartache, betrayal, crying days and nights, sleepless year after year.. Oh and did I mention heartaches?? Ha! My testimonies could bring a church full of playing "CHRISTIANS" to their knees crying out for forgiveness, and begging for God to create in them New Hearts.
Just KNOW that I didn't get this far, by being on my knees praying, and anything else that comes along with being on your knees.. No baby I not only had to pray myself through, and not only did I have others that REALLY cared praying me through; but I had to GET OFF MY LAZY BEHIND and make IT DO WHAT IT DO!! Yes I couldn't look around for mommy and daddy because they had they own issues, no I couldn't depend on my friends either simply because they WERE NOT OBLIGATED. It was ME & GOD and I HAD to do my part or I was going to FALL APART. See I had to put the bottles of champagne down, because they couldn't take away none of my pain. I could no longer do what I wanted to do, I had to do what NEEDED to be done. Simply put I HAD TO SURVIVE......
This cold world will eat you up and spit you out over and over and over again, and each and every time, you have to be fully equipped with the power of God and the will to FIGHT in order to survive. You can take it from ME, I know that it takes much more then the local clubs and the richest thugs to make it happen, it even takes more then you and your tightest crew to make it do what it needs to do.
Your FAITH is what has to carry you through EVERYTHING that you have to endure in this life. Your boys/girls don't have you, your lavish cars can't take you there, and the endless money you have in your accounts can't even prepare you for LIFE and the roads you have to travel. Make it happen for yourself, you just can't depend on anything or anyone to get you to where you need to be in life. If your praying and praying for things to happen or change in your life then YOU HAVE TO make them happen. At 30 you can't sit around and look over at mommy and daddy, shoot they might be sitting next to you looking at you asking you the same questions: What now, when are we, can I, or even when you think you can?????
I mean come on now, you know that life is really something when your parents are looking over at you (the kid) and asking you the questions. And heck in some cases if the tables are turned in that way SO WHAT, MAN UP about it all and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
I have learned through the years being on my own and watching the "adults" in my life as a kid, give up responsibilities. I have watched them look the other way and decide that life was too much for them; so they decided not to deal. I have been a child growing into a woman and learning life on my own with out the proper guidance of "parents".
I SURVIVED, and in doing so YES, I have made HUGE mistakes in life, I have even laid down too long and allowed myself to not only lose everything around me; but I lost ME..... I lost who I wanted to be and became EVERYTHING I swore I wouldn't be, because I allowed life to lay me down and I stayed there comfortable and all, I stayed and got too relaxed in my mess; it not only affected me but it also affected MY CHILDREN. I am currently still in survival mode and everything I do in MY LIFE has to make sense. Every step I take closer to being who GOD wants me to be is because MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, not because I might get a better house, bigger wardrobe and or a nicer car.... MY LIFE & THOSE AROUND ME, DEPEND ON ME....
Get up!!!! Don't lay too long and get comfortable because LIFE will kick you even lower then you ever thought you could go and you won't be able to get back up.
GROW UP & GET UP!!!!
F.Y.I. I put me out there so that YOU, can look at ME & not YOURSELF, I will allow you to see MY WOUNDS so you don't have to EXPOSE your OWN. You can even comment and judge WHAT and WHO has created the woman that is in me, just remember that YOU WILL RESPECT MY GANGSTA, due to it being nothing BUT the GOD in ME..
All of me is to GOD BE THE GLORY~
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
PROVERBS (24:33-34)
33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest-
34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
How can you expect to eat but not work? What makes you think that things will happen simply because you got on your knees and prayed about it? Why do you consider yourself "living life" with the simple things that mean nothing, once you don't have them anymore?
I sit and I pay attention to the way people go about life and the train of thoughts that they develop about life, that makes their lives make sense to them and for them. These same people don't want more they actually don't mind pressing cruise control on their lives and sweeping away what is ACTUALLY going on in their lives. I see these things so clearly, because I, myself have been guilty of sleeping too long, sitting still and watching everything around me go even further into a hole than it all started off.
Yes, I have been broken down to a very low common denominator more then once actually. During those times I realized that me sleeping on a persons floors with their dogs and my two children, or me driving around in my car until I gathered up enough courage to ask if my children and I could spend just one night at someones home. Even staying in shelters and setting every inch of PRIDE that I had aside so that I can sit still long enough to figure out my life. I can take you deeper, hell I can even write a book about me at my lowest; and I can sit here now and type that I am far from my highest. The thing is it would take me longer then a blog can allow to rumble through my heartache, betrayal, crying days and nights, sleepless year after year.. Oh and did I mention heartaches?? Ha! My testimonies could bring a church full of playing "CHRISTIANS" to their knees crying out for forgiveness, and begging for God to create in them New Hearts.
Just KNOW that I didn't get this far, by being on my knees praying, and anything else that comes along with being on your knees.. No baby I not only had to pray myself through, and not only did I have others that REALLY cared praying me through; but I had to GET OFF MY LAZY BEHIND and make IT DO WHAT IT DO!! Yes I couldn't look around for mommy and daddy because they had they own issues, no I couldn't depend on my friends either simply because they WERE NOT OBLIGATED. It was ME & GOD and I HAD to do my part or I was going to FALL APART. See I had to put the bottles of champagne down, because they couldn't take away none of my pain. I could no longer do what I wanted to do, I had to do what NEEDED to be done. Simply put I HAD TO SURVIVE......
This cold world will eat you up and spit you out over and over and over again, and each and every time, you have to be fully equipped with the power of God and the will to FIGHT in order to survive. You can take it from ME, I know that it takes much more then the local clubs and the richest thugs to make it happen, it even takes more then you and your tightest crew to make it do what it needs to do.
Your FAITH is what has to carry you through EVERYTHING that you have to endure in this life. Your boys/girls don't have you, your lavish cars can't take you there, and the endless money you have in your accounts can't even prepare you for LIFE and the roads you have to travel. Make it happen for yourself, you just can't depend on anything or anyone to get you to where you need to be in life. If your praying and praying for things to happen or change in your life then YOU HAVE TO make them happen. At 30 you can't sit around and look over at mommy and daddy, shoot they might be sitting next to you looking at you asking you the same questions: What now, when are we, can I, or even when you think you can?????
I mean come on now, you know that life is really something when your parents are looking over at you (the kid) and asking you the questions. And heck in some cases if the tables are turned in that way SO WHAT, MAN UP about it all and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
I have learned through the years being on my own and watching the "adults" in my life as a kid, give up responsibilities. I have watched them look the other way and decide that life was too much for them; so they decided not to deal. I have been a child growing into a woman and learning life on my own with out the proper guidance of "parents".
I SURVIVED, and in doing so YES, I have made HUGE mistakes in life, I have even laid down too long and allowed myself to not only lose everything around me; but I lost ME..... I lost who I wanted to be and became EVERYTHING I swore I wouldn't be, because I allowed life to lay me down and I stayed there comfortable and all, I stayed and got too relaxed in my mess; it not only affected me but it also affected MY CHILDREN. I am currently still in survival mode and everything I do in MY LIFE has to make sense. Every step I take closer to being who GOD wants me to be is because MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, not because I might get a better house, bigger wardrobe and or a nicer car.... MY LIFE & THOSE AROUND ME, DEPEND ON ME....
Get up!!!! Don't lay too long and get comfortable because LIFE will kick you even lower then you ever thought you could go and you won't be able to get back up.
GROW UP & GET UP!!!!
F.Y.I. I put me out there so that YOU, can look at ME & not YOURSELF, I will allow you to see MY WOUNDS so you don't have to EXPOSE your OWN. You can even comment and judge WHAT and WHO has created the woman that is in me, just remember that YOU WILL RESPECT MY GANGSTA, due to it being nothing BUT the GOD in ME..
All of me is to GOD BE THE GLORY~
Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Ruth the TRUTH
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