Being single doesn’t mean that you are necessarily ready to mingle. For whatever reason you are single, that time should be used to identify with yourself. By identifying with yourself, you are enabling you to grow closer, and understand YOU.
There is NO WAY possible that you can allow any one person to give you your identity or even worse you try to make THEM what you feel is your identity. Once single (and trust me you know when you are SINGLE, I don’t care if he does stop by every other week YOU SINGLE) you have the open space to learn, grow, breathe and gain your very own understanding of life and relationships. We have a tendency to get into a “relationship” with a person and in some cases allow them to control everything about us; the way we dress, our personality, the way we walk and talk, hell even our minds.. We as individuals ALLOW ourselves to let go of ALL control, just to show how much of ourselves we are will to give up for that particular relationship.
Single in my opinion should be time for SOLITUDE and ISOLATION which equals to some type of rehabilitation from previous relationships and other individuals period. In order to go through cleansing yourself from previous relationships you first have to LET GO of them. Letting go does not mean cutting the communication and physical contact only, it also means cutting the emotional attachments and whatever hold previous individuals/relationships may have had on you. If anyone from your past relationships can still get you angry, hurt your feelings, and or something they may say or do can affect you in any kind of way; then you have not let them go. Solitude can give you peace and isolate you from what it is you need to be positioned apart from in order to step into future blessings and relationships.
Being single does not have to be a horrible thing. Yes, you will go through your periods of wanting someone there and yes you will even look around on holidays and wish you had a mate to wake up to on those special days; I can’t say that those feelings won’t be there. What I can say is that they are feelings that you will eventually condition yourself to set aside so that you are able to work on yourself as a person and soon become ready for the next relationship and elevated level in your future.
Most people can’t seem to distinguish the difference between LOVE and LUST and find themselves stuck in relationships that they really SHOULD NOT be in. Trust me if it were “LOVE “ it would not need and want to control everything about you; and if it wasn’t “LUST” then your “relationships” would then be much more then the occasional meet up’s for sex and or out of the blue all of a sudden quality time being spent. When single you are able to key in on what an individual was really all about during the time you were in a so called “relationship” with them. That is when you have those slapping yourself in the face moments and the WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING MOMENTS along with the WHAT EVEN MADE ME STAY THAT LONG moments??? Hahahaha, from that we develop a way to weed out the B.S., and grow as individuals from it all.
Breaking out of what had you bound all that time is like another body being lifted off your back and shoulders. In order to be single and be successful at being single you have to give yourself that time and room to simply GROW and you can’t do that if every time you look around your either back in the face of your past or even worse in the face of who won’t even be in your future. Single time can be use to reach self goals along with reaching a point in your life where you require MORE because you have MORE to offer to your future relationships.
Dealing with “FOR THE MOMENTS” while going through your single stage can be very distractive and, also block your progress as an individual. Brief encounters can also add emotional confusion to what already has you tied up into knots. We have to make sure to see ourselves in our own destiny before we can see anyone else there; not seeing you there just mean you still have some working on YOU to do. If you begin to make you your first priority then everything and everyone will eventually fall into place in your life.
Beauty is so much more than your outer appearance; your inner has to match up with your outer in order for you to even be considered for a serious relationship. I don’t see men taking women serious that have no mind of their own and simply can’t guide themselves, just like I don’t see women taking men serious that have to be raised as if he is not an adult already. Singleness allows you that time to get it all together prior to stepping into something with someone and then they turn around and realize dealing with YOU, was a waste of their time.
Me personally, I have been single for some time now and I don’t mind being single because I have expectations/goals that I have for MYSELF that I have yet to even reach. I also have expectations of my future mate that I feel “MOST” men should possess already naturally. I feel like if I open myself up to a relationship then I need to have a lot to bring to the table, well beyond any amount of money. Being single has allowed me to pay attention to the way individuals handle me on various levels. I can only move toward an actual relationship once I am READY, I don’t force it because I am not pressed to be attached to anyone especially anyone that will bring constant drama, pain, and foolishness to my life. The second I pick up on “RED FLAGS” I know to step away from it, I would also like to think that my spiritual guidance also adds to me knowing better, when I should in fact know better. Don’t get me wrong at all I really do go through moments OFTEN, when I want someone there or I simply want to pick up the phone and hear HIM on the other end wanting to know how my day went. I go through even more AGONIZING moments when I want to be physically pacified (if I can just be HONEST here ha) and it is HARD to just roll over to my body pillow and just GO TO SLEEP… I can’t lie at all being single is VERY trying MOST of the time. Then out of the trying times comes my independence and the capability to have PATIENCE and security as an INDIVIDUAL, so that eventually I can carry good qualities over into my relationship when it’s time.
Moral of the Story: IT IS OKAY, TO BE SINGLE……. Being SINGLE allows you to BETTER YOURSELF for your future RELATIONSHIP that is actually sitting in YOUR DESTINY waiting on you to see YOURSELF there..Love is ALWAYS LOVE & TRUTH
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Nothing is "COMPLICATED" about it~
There is nothing complicated about being single, just the same as there being nothing complicated about being in a relationship………
People let’s simply be REAL with OURSELVES for just ONCE…
Real LIFE and this is why at 32, I really don’t mind being SINGLE!
He wants to take you out on a few dates, show you how good he can treat you, and make sure he goes out of his way to leave a good impression with you of him so that it will be difficult to resist more dates with him.
While dating it starts to become clear to you, that you can open yourself up to him and be willing to take this thing further. At start you battle with even being open at all, you struggle with stepping out of your comfort zone of not having attached emotions to anyone and you decide that if you don’t step out of your zone now, then when will you or even scarier WILL YOU EVER??? So, ever so often you get brave enough to say what the hell will this hurt if I do? As long as I can keep face then I will be fine rather it works out or not. WRONG!!!!!!
In the beginning you guys discuss past relationships and even what your current feelings and situations are when it comes to being in a relationship. You are so single and have been for years, by choice simply because of the standards you have set for yourself as a WOMAN along with the standards you set for your future relationships. All of that is laid out and clear, it is understood what you will go for and what you will not go for as it is also understood what you will dish out and what you expect back from your mate in return.
RED FLAGS: He then goes into his past relationship, which happens to have “ended” as early as a few months prior to you guys actually meeting (if it ever ended at all) based on his words “it’s OVER”. Then you notice after awhile of spending time with him more and more over a period of time that during intimate moments of simply laying there and listening to his heart beat while you lay there on his chest trying to connect the rhythm of his heart beats with yours…… THAT HE IS SOMEWHERE ELSE MENTALLY…
You notice but you keep it to yourself, while at the same time checking yourself for even being open enough to get to this point. After this you decide to recline from the situation a bit, but of course not enough. You might not hang out every weekend anymore, and you might not even text and call as much but you still continued in some type of way.
He acts as if he is confused as to why you have reclined from being consistent with him and wants to get together to discuss what areas the two of you can work on so that you guys can move forward and grow closer and possibly be more. While discussing it all, the fact that since you have reclined yet another woman is now involved with this man. After awhile the conversation is tuned out by your loud thoughts, and all your thoughts are saying to you “not only does he want to be in his past relationship, but hell he not even focused ENOUGH to see what can be what with one or the other. He seems to want to have it all, until his past decides to take him back.” The thing that you think about often is the fact that he has been admiring you from a far all these years and finally had the break to step forward on what he has been wanting to do. Not only is it you that’s been admired by him all these years, but there are a few and he just has the open room and opportunity to move towards everyone because his past stepped away for a second.
Yes, I said a second see she might have been there all these years and decided that she would try her own hand, since he wouldn’t actually step to the plate the way he should and even TRY to correct some issues that needed to be corrected between the two. She invested a lot in their relationship and doesn’t really want to throw it away, but she NEEDS HIM TO REALIZE what he has in her as his woman, and that he can’t go through various women to find what he already has. She is giving him TIME to grow up & realize when it is all said and done, that all their history and past together means more then what he felt it was all worth.
Honestly he is sick about the break in their relationship and it’s not taking money losses that have him in the fetal position, it’s the fact that she MIGHT BE MOVING ON and he realizes that he MESSED UP all this time. You guys still go back and forth and you know him enough to know that something is wrong based on his tone, you inquire if he is ok and he lets you know he will be cool he just took a loss, ha! He even goes as far as to giving you a dollar amount when in fact there is no amount to the “LOSS” he is grieving.
You continue your distance and understand that you should not have wasted your energy this long, because this is clearly a man that wants too much on top of what he already has. Holidays roll by and it’s clear to you that he spends them with her, it’s even clear to you that birthdays are still even celebrated together and there you have it CLARITY of the fact that they both are keeping one another close enough for a safety net while still swimming in other directions.
You continue to be the bigger person and keep your distance and even stop communication between you and him. Every now and then thoughts of you guys run through your mind and even thoughts of what could have been, only to be washed out by the fact that you’re not and won’t be. Out of the blue, you get a text from him and figure no harm can be done from this. He lets you know that he “MISSES YOU”, and that he wants to take you out and see you because he thinks of you often. You respond letting him know you miss him too, and that you would be open to going to hang out with him. Texts then fade for a day or two only to start back up with the same quotes from a few days before and added is the fact that his “situations” is “COMPLICATED”. Then it dawns on you what is needs to be said in order for both sides to just L.I.G. (let it GO) it..
“Me, I am single and I KNOW that you are NOT, there is NOTHING “complicated” about being single and or being in a relationship or married; either you are or you are not. Simple!!! I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t open to you when we first started talking. Now I would be lying to MYSELF if I went out with you again. We met and hung out and that was good when it was, and we both know and understand why we can’t anymore. YES YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP and YOU should find happiness in that and TRY to STAY TRUE TO THAT.. Going back and forth with me would only “COMPLICATE” things. I am good and we are cool friends and will always be that.”
You and he have NO CHOICE but to respect and except EXACTLY what it is……
See, once we realize that we are actually MORE than an OPTION, then and only then are we looked at as such. I can’t seem to set ME aside because of him and his pride, nor can I over look the fact that I am being over looked even though I am right there in front of his face. I am worth much more than uncertainty and I can’t seem to allow MYSELF to settle for any uncertain situation.
My tuition has NEVER been wrong, maybe it has made me seem and feel CRAZY hahaha but it has never been wrong. I have learned through the years to NEVER SECOND GUESS ME, simply because it is ME that is looking out and protecting ME. When dating I understand the false hood of a lot of men and what they say they might want and I know to watch for the simple lies that men then send my way. The type of lies that never had to be in the first place are the ones that I hear, because those are the one that THEY NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE to actually SAY…
Moral of the STORY: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOU……
TRUTH is ALWAYS LOVE & LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVE~
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH!!!!
People let’s simply be REAL with OURSELVES for just ONCE…
Real LIFE and this is why at 32, I really don’t mind being SINGLE!
He wants to take you out on a few dates, show you how good he can treat you, and make sure he goes out of his way to leave a good impression with you of him so that it will be difficult to resist more dates with him.
While dating it starts to become clear to you, that you can open yourself up to him and be willing to take this thing further. At start you battle with even being open at all, you struggle with stepping out of your comfort zone of not having attached emotions to anyone and you decide that if you don’t step out of your zone now, then when will you or even scarier WILL YOU EVER??? So, ever so often you get brave enough to say what the hell will this hurt if I do? As long as I can keep face then I will be fine rather it works out or not. WRONG!!!!!!
In the beginning you guys discuss past relationships and even what your current feelings and situations are when it comes to being in a relationship. You are so single and have been for years, by choice simply because of the standards you have set for yourself as a WOMAN along with the standards you set for your future relationships. All of that is laid out and clear, it is understood what you will go for and what you will not go for as it is also understood what you will dish out and what you expect back from your mate in return.
RED FLAGS: He then goes into his past relationship, which happens to have “ended” as early as a few months prior to you guys actually meeting (if it ever ended at all) based on his words “it’s OVER”. Then you notice after awhile of spending time with him more and more over a period of time that during intimate moments of simply laying there and listening to his heart beat while you lay there on his chest trying to connect the rhythm of his heart beats with yours…… THAT HE IS SOMEWHERE ELSE MENTALLY…
You notice but you keep it to yourself, while at the same time checking yourself for even being open enough to get to this point. After this you decide to recline from the situation a bit, but of course not enough. You might not hang out every weekend anymore, and you might not even text and call as much but you still continued in some type of way.
He acts as if he is confused as to why you have reclined from being consistent with him and wants to get together to discuss what areas the two of you can work on so that you guys can move forward and grow closer and possibly be more. While discussing it all, the fact that since you have reclined yet another woman is now involved with this man. After awhile the conversation is tuned out by your loud thoughts, and all your thoughts are saying to you “not only does he want to be in his past relationship, but hell he not even focused ENOUGH to see what can be what with one or the other. He seems to want to have it all, until his past decides to take him back.” The thing that you think about often is the fact that he has been admiring you from a far all these years and finally had the break to step forward on what he has been wanting to do. Not only is it you that’s been admired by him all these years, but there are a few and he just has the open room and opportunity to move towards everyone because his past stepped away for a second.
Yes, I said a second see she might have been there all these years and decided that she would try her own hand, since he wouldn’t actually step to the plate the way he should and even TRY to correct some issues that needed to be corrected between the two. She invested a lot in their relationship and doesn’t really want to throw it away, but she NEEDS HIM TO REALIZE what he has in her as his woman, and that he can’t go through various women to find what he already has. She is giving him TIME to grow up & realize when it is all said and done, that all their history and past together means more then what he felt it was all worth.
Honestly he is sick about the break in their relationship and it’s not taking money losses that have him in the fetal position, it’s the fact that she MIGHT BE MOVING ON and he realizes that he MESSED UP all this time. You guys still go back and forth and you know him enough to know that something is wrong based on his tone, you inquire if he is ok and he lets you know he will be cool he just took a loss, ha! He even goes as far as to giving you a dollar amount when in fact there is no amount to the “LOSS” he is grieving.
You continue your distance and understand that you should not have wasted your energy this long, because this is clearly a man that wants too much on top of what he already has. Holidays roll by and it’s clear to you that he spends them with her, it’s even clear to you that birthdays are still even celebrated together and there you have it CLARITY of the fact that they both are keeping one another close enough for a safety net while still swimming in other directions.
You continue to be the bigger person and keep your distance and even stop communication between you and him. Every now and then thoughts of you guys run through your mind and even thoughts of what could have been, only to be washed out by the fact that you’re not and won’t be. Out of the blue, you get a text from him and figure no harm can be done from this. He lets you know that he “MISSES YOU”, and that he wants to take you out and see you because he thinks of you often. You respond letting him know you miss him too, and that you would be open to going to hang out with him. Texts then fade for a day or two only to start back up with the same quotes from a few days before and added is the fact that his “situations” is “COMPLICATED”. Then it dawns on you what is needs to be said in order for both sides to just L.I.G. (let it GO) it..
“Me, I am single and I KNOW that you are NOT, there is NOTHING “complicated” about being single and or being in a relationship or married; either you are or you are not. Simple!!! I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t open to you when we first started talking. Now I would be lying to MYSELF if I went out with you again. We met and hung out and that was good when it was, and we both know and understand why we can’t anymore. YES YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP and YOU should find happiness in that and TRY to STAY TRUE TO THAT.. Going back and forth with me would only “COMPLICATE” things. I am good and we are cool friends and will always be that.”
You and he have NO CHOICE but to respect and except EXACTLY what it is……
See, once we realize that we are actually MORE than an OPTION, then and only then are we looked at as such. I can’t seem to set ME aside because of him and his pride, nor can I over look the fact that I am being over looked even though I am right there in front of his face. I am worth much more than uncertainty and I can’t seem to allow MYSELF to settle for any uncertain situation.
My tuition has NEVER been wrong, maybe it has made me seem and feel CRAZY hahaha but it has never been wrong. I have learned through the years to NEVER SECOND GUESS ME, simply because it is ME that is looking out and protecting ME. When dating I understand the false hood of a lot of men and what they say they might want and I know to watch for the simple lies that men then send my way. The type of lies that never had to be in the first place are the ones that I hear, because those are the one that THEY NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE to actually SAY…
Moral of the STORY: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOU……
TRUTH is ALWAYS LOVE & LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVE~
Xoxo RUTH the TRUTH!!!!
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