Open Book Therapy~

In the middle of life beating you down and overwhelming you, it is YOUR job to keep your joy and hold on to your smile. Spiritually you have to remain content in knowing the things that you already know and recline from certain things that you know will pull and drain you to the point of not being able to walk through certain doors again. Relationships are going to change for good or for bad, while changing it gives us all the opportunity to decide what is healthy in our lives and what has been the unwanted dead weight….

Some individuals NEVER GROW, because some of us never get to the point of CONSCIOUNESS CLEANSING nor are they able to register REAL LIFE as it is handed out to them. People that can’t seem to find happiness are always suppressing what is making them unhappy with a dose of something that can numb them from what hurts have occurred in life both past and present.

I have found from personal experience that therapeutic conversation is the BEST type of THERAPY!!! We have to GO through things in order to GROW through things. We have to learn to confront, release and be in control of our very own destiny in life. The RELEASE of unwanted blockage that is holding you and your life at a standstill, from being able to decide to be happy and move toward that happiness that you see and feel for yourself; will assist in you being able to follow what your soul has desired throughout your life. Registering your own views on your life and the lives around you will cause a development and growth to happen where you have needed them to happen. We are indeed our own worst critic and enemy along with holding ourselves prisoners to our thoughts of what others may think or want of us. We worry about how the next person feels and totally disregard the way that we as individuals feel.
When we find that someone, that we can confide in and not worry about them judging, using against you, and or talking your deepest you; then and only then can we really release our past hurts and be able to step into what we have held ourselves back from for so long. HAPPINESS/JOY!!!!!

I personally find my own advice very difficult to do simply because I would rather forget and not look back at what life did to me in the past. I would rather smile and continue to push through each and every day smiling and operating as if nothing is wrong. My reality like most of yours, hurts like hell, makes me feel ashamed, confused as to why me, and is keeping me from the full extent of ME. While the put together me looks good, smells good, walks and talks good; the me that is broken up and far from put together is all over the place. Here and there I get smothered by my own thoughts and find it hard to breath, shoot I even allow myself to stay in bed so that I am able to lay still enough to listen to God speak. On the outside I’m fine but emotionally I am losing my heart and mind, then I realize if I stop fighting for who I am suppose to be then I will be losing me. It is a fight to have peace and love your peace and it’s an even harder fight to not allow others to disturb your peace and alter the way you need to be. You have to encourage yourself in order to reach your highest worth.

See, there are those around you that don’t want that for you because they don’t know how to gain that for themselves; so how dare you begin to push through your hurt and actually be peaceful within yourself..?!?. When I say peaceful, I am speaking of relaxing, relating, releasing and no more running only calming and breathing. I am talking about baggage OFF OF YOU, that you have carried for God knows how long and the ability to have the JOY you have fought all your life to attain.
Life is short indeed; and to not ever reach that area in our lives where we are able to enjoy our lives and actually be in tuned with who we are as individual beings, would be the saddest thing at the end of our long journey of life.

As of late I have been heavy and carrying some really deep rooted things around with me that I am shedding off of my life. In the process of doing that I am looking from the outside of me to the inside of me and seeing me play out as a movie. I am able to see how messed up various issues have made me, and I am also understanding that I don’t stand in this world alone with these same issues. I research and go through cases of people that experience having to sit on a couch and talk with a professional psychologist and be diagnosed with various forms of Depression/anger, and even resort to taking medication to assist with dealing with their problems. While doing so, I realize that both anger and depression are OPEN WOUNDS such as pressure sores and with too much pressure applied to these sores it causes them to bleed out. These are sores, which depending on the case/issues cannot be closed and or healed. Wounds that stay and just will not go away; no matter how you cover it up, and add medicine, liquor, drugs, make-up, clothes, and a smile these wounds stay open and they remain FRESH…

It is up to us to make our own conscious choice in life to make ourselves better and learn to deal with what has happen in our lives to bring us to the point of WHO we are in the NOW. Through my 32 years of living I have found various mechanisms to cope with things that have been done to me, even as a child. I found that nothings releases me more than writing it out and allowing eyes to read me that either don’t know me at all, or the eyes of those that fell as if they do. Life hands us all a hand and at times in my case more than less I want to scream at the top of my lungs when will it all end; and when will I win or better yet will my happiness begin??...?? I imagine myself not sitting where I actually am, or not being in a place that I am in and instead I picture myself relaxed, calm with a peaceful spirit somewhere other than where I have been. I could be in a hotel here in Los Angeles, while in my mind I am on an island that I don’t have to leave from unless I simply decided to. While walking into work I see me walking into my very own office attending to my schedule that is planned around my very own day. I walk into my home and my worries are what to fix for dinner and not what bills I couldn't’t pay. Then I recline and realize that there are things in my past that has me operating this way.

I can’t emotionally attach myself to love another person the way I imagine emotional attachment to be, simply because I identify emotional attachments with past loves that have hurt me. When people say they love you, I am too busy sitting back evaluating what type of love they actually mean..???

I have decided to turn this blog into OPEN THERAPY…. Don’t worry about the mirrors you look in everyday, I’ll just stand here in the middle of crowded cyber space and allow you to view me get through Self-Therapy and my day to day…

Some things in our lives run much deeper than we are willing to see, but as long as us as individuals are willing to fight for that part of us that we call ME. Then our goals and who we are destine to be will become easier to reach.

P.S. I LOVE ME SOME ME and that is WHY I WILL fight ME for ME…………
Xoxo
Ruth the TRUTH

LOVE it is YOU that I CRAVE (part 1)~

If he absolutely adores me then he really loves ME. He will stay consistent in showing me in every way that he is in love with ME, and there would be nothing simple that can alter that love. He will love my spirit and all that I am as a woman, flaws and all that love would never change. When with one another we would complement the other just by being there, we would represent a beautiful and blessed unit. When and if he adores me, there would never be any question, confusion or doubt; because this love is real.

Real love is something that is hard to walk away from and easy to stay close to. Yes, love may even have trying times but we always will be able to reconnect with an even stronger bond. With love I will never have to ask the question “WHERE WERE YOU”, because that love is there with me through every breath, trial, storm, heartache, and even when feel I want to be left alone……. Love is ALWAYS there!

Love respects my space and also moves at an easy pace so that the two of us are able to enjoy every seconds of each day. Love calls to check on me throughout his day, just to hear my smile and know that he put that smile on my face. He caters to my wants and needs just as I do his, and I never have to ask him because he already knows exactly what it is I need and want. Love goes out of his way to make sure that I’m happy, simply so that I can effortlessly make him happy.

Love is intense and is so powerful that I will sit to myself and gasp at the very thought of how blessed I am to have such a love; It will be that type of love that wakes me up just to hold me and not say a thing, man, man, man…..Yes, the kind of love that will make me want to go out and buy him an engagement ring! Hahahaha

When with Love and in Love, I don’t have to “go with the flow” or even “roll with the punches”, neither are an option because love is comfortable enough to play on my solitude. There wouldn’t be any going to sleep angry at love because I would miss him too much, besides he wouldn’t let me because HE LOVES ME that much. I will be able to lay with love and hear that his heart beat matches up with mines and that will hand me comfort in knowing that GOD made someone to match me so much; that WE share the very same heart beat. Love is ALWAYS LOVE and undeniable to the physical eye. Love hurts so GOOD that it makes you cry, that kind of love that makes you want to watch him as a movie and press pause to make stay. Yes, it’s that type of LOVE that I CRAVE.

Dear Love,
I CRAVE YOU…...

Xoxo RUTH